John Howard Matthews writes for humor website McSweeney’s: “12:00 p.m. Miss Skiffy, the new hire, asks whether we can forgive a book fine that’s under one dollar. Vehemently refuse, and ask her exactly how we are supposed to fund a library if we don’t collect fines? 1:00 p.m. Work to clear cobwebs from book stacks. Become weakened and feverish and call cleaning services for estimates (all too high). 1:30 p.m. Find list of the most offensive books in print and order them all with your tax dollars.”